Cupid Vetinari
by melonkitten
Summary: Carrot's replacement is causing Vimes trouble. Will they ever get on? and just what is Vetinari up to? This is take two of this story, i've added more to it


Disclaimer: I don't own the Discworld or any of its law-abiding citizens, who belong to the god-like Mr. Pratchett, except Serina. Although I wouldn't mind borrowing Vimes for a day or two. I promise I'd return him undamaged and in his original packaging….

NB: This is set about a year after Fifth Elephant, but in this Sybil hasn't had a baby. I was being lazy really and thought it would be too hard to weave into the story. This is my first fanfic, so bear with me.

Anyways, on with the story….

"Ah, Vimes." The Patrician glanced up from the mounds of papers that he seemed to work on incessantly. 

Vimes shuffled further into the room and stood ramrod straight in front of the desk. _The bastard, _he thought. _If those rumours are true I'll.. I'll.. be bloody angry._

He stared hard at the wall, directing all the heat of his anger at the block of bricks and plaster which, surprisingly, failed to ignite or at least turn runny under his laser-like gaze.

"I thought it high time we discussed Captain Carrot's temporary replacement, as he is due to go on leave in a weeks' time. I trust Sergeant Angua is, ah, well?" The Patrician went on.

No reply. Vetinari sighed as he saw Vimes' blank gaze.

"Sir Samuel?"

"Sir?" Vimes tore his eyes from the offending wall.

"Captain Carrot's replacement? Which we need to discuss? I have a suggestion which may be beneficial."

__

I'll bet you bloody have, said Vimes' inner monologue. _And knowing the way__your mind works it'll benefit nobody but yourself._

"Really sir?" Vimes tried to sound neutral. 

"I have indeed. A young Watchwoman recently arrived in the city looking for a position in our Watch. She has.. special qualities which I believe will be fitting for the vacant role of Captain."

"Special qualities sir?"

"Yes Sir Samuel. Very useful ones. And she may take the pressure off you somewhat. After your recent… upset."

Vimes' brain threw more fuel on the fire behind his eyes.

"Upset." He said evenly.

Vetinari held back a smile. Maybe he would have to call the plasterer again at the end of the meeting.

"Yes Sir Samuel. The woman in question is called Serina. She is from Uberwald."

Vimes goggled. "Uberwald? Are you mad?"

"No I am quite sane I assure you, contrary to popular opinion prevalent in this city. I believe she and Angua know each other. They have a lot in common."

Something clicked in Vimes' fogged brain. It was like finishing a dot-to-dot puzzle. All the dots had been joined and suddenly there was the clear picture. 

Special qualities…. Uberwald….. Angua…

"She's a werewolf?"

"Well done Sir Samuel." Vetinari beamed. "Now, I trust you will organize matters?"

Vimes nodded, expression wooden.

"Good man. Do not let me detain you." And with that he turned back to his papers.

Vimes let himself out. A moment later there was a series of muffled thumps from the other side of the wall.

Vetinari gave a humourless smile. "Drumknott," he said to the clerk who had materialized in the Oblong Office. "Call for the plasterer. I believe the wall may need expert attention." 

* * * * *

It wasn't the fact that she was a werewolf, Vimes told himself as he trudged back the Yard. After all, Angua was one and she was a damned good copper because of it. It was because Vetinari had done It again. Deliberately done something that he knew would annoy Vimes to see how he reacted, and had once again landed Vimes in the sh.. midden.

But he knew, deep down inside, that it _was _the werewolf thing. Because this, what was her name? Was an unknown quantity. It had taken him ages to get his head round the idea of Angua being one and he was still slightly uneasy about the whole thing. And being his Captain too. That really took the figgin.

But, he thought forlornly as he walked into the cheerful warmth of the Watchouse, it didn't seem as though he had any choice in the matter.

He stalked up to his office, threw himself into the battered old chair and sent up a silent prayer for inspiration to any gods of poor bastards like himself who might be listening. But they wouldn't, on principle.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in Carrot," Vimes said wearily. Carrot strode in with an air of unrepentant cheerfulness.

"I gather you've been to see his Lordship then sir." Carrot said.

"Yes Captain, I have. It seems he's already arranged a replacement."

"Oh good. Who is he?"

"He is a _she, _Captain. And a werewolf."

Carrot smiled even wider. "Won't that be nice sir?" he said.

Vimes' search of Carrot's face found nothing but genuine pleasure.

"Nice, Captain?"

"Well, it'll be like Angua was never away sir. It won't be too much of a change for you."

Vimes gave up. His head was full of cotton wool. He needed sleep. What with work, and this and the Sybil Incident, he had become both nocturnal and dayturnal. Or whatever it was. He rubbed his face and sighed.

"And how is Angua?"

"She's very well sir. Mrs. Content says it shouldn't be long now, two weeks at the most. She says it should be very straight forward, sir."

"That's good."

"Er, have you er, heard from Lady Sybil, sir?"

"No Captain, I haven't. She is still with her Uncle Lofthouse."

"Ah, I see sir." Carrot recognized the edge in Vimes' voice. "Well, must be getting on sir." And he left.

Vimes sighed again. Sybil had been gone three weeks now. She had said she thought that they needed some space but… he knew it was really because she was fed up playing second banjo to the job. He shook his head. She would never understand. He was the Commander, for gods' sake. He couldn't just drop things whenever he felt like it. He was needed here, to prod buttock and see that things got done. Speaking of things getting done…

He levered himself out of the chair and went downstairs.

* * * * *

Colon was on desk duty, as usual. 

"Have I missed anything Fred?" Vimes asked him.

"No Mr. Vimes. Unless you count Detritus explainin' 'is dislike of Slab to one of that bastard Chrysoprase's henchtrolls. In some very economic gestures sir."

"Ah right. Anything else?"

"That new Watchman.. sorry, woman, 'is 'ere sir." Colon nodded to a woman sat on a bench.

"Thanks Fred." He wandered over. A fairly tall woman stood up.

"I gather you're Serina, our new Captain?"

"Yes sir."

Her eyes were like Angua's. That same golden glow in them that betrayed what she really was, if you knew what to look for. But she was Angua's opposite. A study in monochrome. Long raven black hair that caught the light with impossible silvery highlights, and the palest luminous skin. The same curves were there though…

He coughed suddenly and turned away, gesturing to the room. 

"Well, this is the main Watchouse. You'll mostly be stationed here. I can't tell you what your duties are because I don't know them myself. You just muddle through it as you go along, you get the job done and if anything makes sense it's a bonus. I'll get Corporal Visit to give you your." He stopped. No, that wasn't fair. It wasn't right to inflict Visit on a new officer. Best to introduce him gradually.

"I'll get, er, Constable Ping to give you your uniform and show you where everything is."

__

Oh gods, he thought. _I need a holiday._

* * * 

What's wrong with Sybil? Will the sparks fly between Serina and Vimes? And will Carrot need a pram or a leash for his new sprog?

There, finally figured out how to get it to show all three chapters. I'm no good at technical stuff. Thanks for reviews so far. It's nice to know people are interested enough to review my scribbling. Any reviews welcome, good or bad. I'm writing another fic in tandem with this and if you lot think this is crap I'll scrap it and concentrate on the other one.


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